The 50/50 Rule: Why Constant Happiness Isn't the Goal
- Corrianne Coons
- May 9
- 3 min read
I want to share another powerful concept I’ve learned from Brooke Castillo: the 50/50 rule. It teaches that life is not supposed to feel good all the time. In fact, real life is about 50% positive emotions and 50% negative ones.
We often spend so much time trying to chase the good, avoid the bad, and believe anything that feels uncomfortable needs to be fixed. Somewhere along the way, we bought into the lie that our lives should be like fairytales, blissful and happy the majority of the time. But the truth is, negative emotion isn’t a problem to solve. It’s part of the human experience.
This concept played out in my life so clearly this past week.
One day, I was curled up with my children, helping them process the sudden and heartbreaking death of a beloved pet. We all cried and I did my best to comfort them while simultaneously holding the weight of my own personal heartache...things my children are completely unaware of and are too young to understand. It was one of those heavy days where everything just feels dark and tender. I held my youngest till she cried herself to sleep.
But the very next day we were laughing by the pool, snuggling in the sunshine. Their chatter and noise were music to my ears. The contrast of their laughter so soon after their cries made the happiness feel even happier.
That’s the gift of understanding the 50/50 rule. When we stop expecting life to be easy all the time, we start allowing the hard moments to exist without anxiety. We realize that negative emotions aren’t a sign something’s gone wrong. They’re simply… part of the ride.
When we allow the hard instead of resisting it, the good becomes even better.
My kids and I watched a movie recently that unexpectedly illustrated this truth. It was about a boy who’s afraid of the dark...that is, until “Dark” shows up and takes him on a journey through the night, showing him all the beauty and necessity of darkness. At first, “Light” seems like the hero, offering warmth and safety. But when Light sticks around too long, things begin to wither. The world becomes unbalanced. Plants wilt. Water dries up. People grow hot and tired.
One character says, “Now that it’s gone, I miss the night. Now that the only thing left is light.”
Later, this same character reflects:
“You always want to know the ending because it makes things less scary in the middle part. But maybe being scared is just part of life. I think you just need to feel the fear and do it anyway.”
That line hit me.
Because isn’t that exactly what we’re meant to do?
Feel the fear.
Let the sadness flow.
Sit with the discomfort.
And still choose to move forward. That is healing in its simplest form. That is essentially what we're all running from when we turn to unhealthy numbing behaviors.
My dad passed away 5 years ago today. Shortly before he died he said to me, “Corri, life isn’t meant to be comfortable.”
The last five years of my life have proven that. They’ve been the most uncomfortable and messy years of my whole life. But they’ve also been the most transformative. My greatest growth didn’t come during ease. It came through pain.
Learning to be “the sun” in my own life doesn’t mean I don’t experience night. I deal with darkness regularly. Finding peace doesn’t mean I don’t also grieve. But happiness doesn’t exist without its opposite.
So now I cry freely, knowing tears are an important part of grief.
I sit with anger knowing it won't overtake me.
I breathe through sadness, disappointment, heartbreak, loneliness, even jealousy.
I let them do their job, move through me and make room for joy.
I now understand if I never knew the dark, I’d never fully appreciate the light.
And maybe life was never meant to be a fairytale with a“happily ever after.”
Maybe the real beauty is found in fully feeling all of it...the sorrow and the joy, the heartache and the healing. And realizing that achieving wholeness, not constant happiness, is the true fairytale ending.
Comments